Why the friendzone is a myth.

I was writing about something completely different, inspiration struck… deal wtih it

This is something I used to ask myself all the time… if women like nice guys, why do they always end up with assholes? The ones who will treat them mean, but they stay keen. Who will show up for all the fun stuff, but none of the boring stuff… who in your mind, treat the object of your affection like a piece of crap, but they cant get enough of it.

I think everyone in teenage years, through to their mid-20’s has these type of feelings. That is of course excluding those lucky few who find their soul mate… blah blah whatever..

Like most guys, I fell into the friendzone more often than not. My belief was that it was because I wasnt conventionally attractive. I wasnt the starting Second Rower for the school Rugby team, so why would anyone find me attractive? A slightly overweight sci-fi geek, who considered daily life a struggle in class warfare, who was so convinced that he was a fucking troll that he when he did ask a girl out, she thought he was joking. He took it hard and was pissed off… but it was just another chapter in the suckage of life really.

Truth being, I was soooo socially awkward that it was easier to convince myself that no one wanted to date me, so why bother… I shudder when I think back to that time. I hid behind an asshole persona because hey, its easier to be disliked than try and have everyone like you. In my mind, we worshipped at the altar of Stupidity… the cool kids all smoked, drank, did drugs, fucked around, treated teachers like crap… and we aspired to be like them? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK??? Of course, to a teenage mind, life after high school is a million years away… this problem is right now.

The point Im trying to make is that in later years, I ended up in the friend zone more often than I care to imagine. As I got older… I realised what a bullshit construct it was…

Soo… what is this “friend zone” you speak of?

friendzonedThink about this… you like someone, I mean really like… but your not confident enough the feelings are reciprocated. So in order to be close to them, you become friends with them… hoping one day they will come to the realisation that you are 10 levels of awesome and they need you in their life… without you having to actually ask them out and make your intentions clear.

How this is more typically portrayed is that the girl strings the guy along, keeping him around cos he is useful. Essentially treating him like a boyfriend, but without the romance behind it.

As you can imagine, it can be a very soul crushing, spirit destroying place to end up. On one hand, you get to be around the object of your affection, on the other hand you know that she’s just not that into you.

Essentially she sees you as a friend… you see her as more.

So whats it like in this “Zone of Friends” you say?

It sucks. Royally. Its a complete mind fuck watching the person you are convinced is your one chance at true happiness and you know given the chance, you could prove that… but for now, you’ll be on the other end of the phone as she bitches about her boyfriend and how he stood her up to go drinking with his mates.

You joke that if you were her boyfriend, you would never do that. You would tend to her every need, her every whim. She would be the centre of your universe.

Its a shame we’re such good friends… 

Please note, I say this with a hint of sarcasm. With age comes experience, and a hormone filled adolescent mind, like the Sith, only deals in absolutes! You dont want to be friends, you want to be more. What? Like SUPER FRIENDS???.

So you just bide your time, getting all Petyr Beylish, sewing the seeds of mistrust, so she will dump his ass and realise that her one true love was under her nose all along.

Yeah, the perennial 80’s Teen movie trope.. I dont need to date the quarterback when my quirky best friend is the one I was meant to be with. Thats why he selflessly helped me with my plans, all the while holding back his true feelings…

Bad news: This doesnt happen in real life.

When the friend zone feels like the phantom zone!

So yeah, no matter how hard you try… every woman you have in your life doesnt see you as a compatible romantic partner… its not your fault, you’re a gentleman, you’re a confidant, you’re always there for her. It must be her fault… yeah… her fault. She’s a bitch. Its not your fault she cant see how awesome you are… you’ve given her plenty of chances to notice… fuck women, they’re all bitches… their all whores… if they wanna date assholes, go for it… no point running to me when they treat you like shit…

There is an entire sub-culture of men who believe this is the case… they are called “Incels”, or Involuntary Celibates. They’d totally do the sex, but no one will do it with them.

Its pretty much everyone elses fault, but theirs… society has conditioned women to only go after the assholes… and leave people like us behind until they one day realise that they could have had us all along but didnt want us.

This movement, and I will call it a movement, because it comes down to the individual and not the group, tend to feel entitled… like women are a sub-par species… they should know their role… it is to serve men. They should be grateful that a man is showing interest in them.

The more rejection they feel, the more steadfast they tend to become in their beliefs and will often take it to extremes… if a woman gives them a hug, they go for the pash. If a woman is dressed provactively, they will take that as an invitation to force themselves upon her. They deserve this, they’ve been rejected so many times, and women like assholes… Im just being forthright and not a beta-male bitch!

So why is this all bullshit?

The friendzone is a construct. It exists solely as something to hide behind and not face your fears. It exists as a way for you to feel that closeness but without any of the risk, which of course can morph into resentment because you realise, she isnt into you.

So lets flip it around…

You have a female friend who is always hanging around, texting you, being playful, being nice… they put heart emojis around your name in their contacts. You like hanging out with them, you have similar interests, but you are really hoping that other girl you have your eye on will return your calls.

Your friend jokes with you that you spend a lot of time together and they really like it. They hug you just a little too hard, you almost feel the brush of their lips on your neck. They breathe in ever so slightly, then release you and head on their way, occasionally turning around to see if you are watching them.

Over time, she becomes a little more obvious, but you see her as friend. Nothing more. That other chick still hasnt returned your call, but she will.

Then one day, she just comes out and says it…

I really like you
I like you too…
I mean, really like like…
Like super like?
Yeah, you could call it a super like… you know… if she never calls you back, I guess we could go out together…

How you handle this next part… thats on you… do you realise that “Holy crap, she’s amazing”, or do you play it off like its nothing? Do you remind her that you’re such good friends and nothing more.

Society, hyper connectivity and the “always on” culture.

Think about your celebrity crush. Think about your “type”. Do you like girls who always seem to be Insta-ready? Do you like guys who look like they leapt out of bed, into the surf and then off to the super important international business man international business meeting?

In this day and age, everything is “always on”… we carry around with us a portal to infinite knowledge, connectivity, convenience and worst of all… its on 24/7 bombarding us with stories, pictures, movies, all sorts of media of people with their perfect lives, their constant successes… kinda makes you feel like a loser in comparison.

Celebrities, influencers, insta-glamourous people… all #Blessed and #noFilter and #wokeuplikethis. Its all inspirational quotes. Its all mantra’s. Its all “Be positive and the universe will provide that pony”….


So naturally when we’re bombarded with this, we think success looks like being a six figure baller, with an 8-pack and a supermodel under each arm because we cant decide if we want to go Chanel or Victoria’s Secret tonight.

Women have the same issues, there is an entire industry built around making women feel shit about themselves until they buy this miracle product that will give them the best left eyebrow… I heard a story that in the 18th/19th Century, dog urine was used as an anti-ageing serum.

And you know what… harsh truth… they say its on the inside that counts? BULLSHIT! You size a person up in seconds… people are drawn to aesthetics… if you put Natalie Portman in a line up with Maiyim Bialik… pretty sure the contest is going to be judged on looks, not on the fact they are both highly educated. Put Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Tara Reid against a rather homely looking girl who has a PhD in Astrophysics… once again, she could have the nicest personality but who do you think the average guy is gonna go for?

AAAND THIS MORE OFTEN THAN NOT… is the problem. Relationships are seen like trophies. You have to have the perfect girlfriend or boyfriend… we need to be just like all those other people with their perfect lives… we need to have a perfect life too.

Pro-Tip for all you guys complaining about being in the friend zone: Look at who you feel has friendzoned you… is your attraction anything more than superficial… what is it you actually like about them?

How do I get out of the friend zone?

If you think you’re in the friend zone, you’re never getting out.

You dont leave the friend zone until you stop believing in it. Sure, there are cottage industries of douche-lords who will tell you to project confidence, be persistent, be funny, be charming, go to the gym, work out, buy my books, see my seminars… neg the living shit out of her… find her evil asshole boyfriend or object of her affection and destroy him!!


On the other hand, you could you know… just ask her out. Do it properly. Dont just crop dust an invitation to an event at her and hope for the best.

If she’s single and you’re single… chances are she might actually feel the same way you do, but she’s equally as nervous as you are. Take the initiative… be bold. You dont know if you dont ask.

But be prepared… she could also just not see you like that, or she might not be in the right head space, or you know… just as confused as you are because HOLY CRAP… he finally asked me out… taken his sweet ass time!

The only stipulation I’d make is that you make sure she knows its a date… so if you’re going to a movie, dinner first (never afterwards!) and somewhere nice! Dont dress up a casual get together that you do all the time as something more than what it normally is. Do something different, out of the ordinary!

FriendZone is actually a very sexist concept…

rickandmortyfzSo that female friend from before… the one who is totally into you… she’s just laid her feelings bare… are you now obligated to feel the same way? Should you be grateful that she feels that way about you? I mean, she’s put the effort into being your friend, shouldnt the next step be for you to be together?

Sadly, thats how a lot of guys feel…

Are women vending machines? I mean, you feed them the kindness and friendship coins and you get the woman as your selection?

Are women like video games? You play for long enough and eventually you win?

Relationships are not transactional. There isnt a loyalty card where once you fill it, you get to have sex with woman of your choice, and she is obligated to… because you know… loyalty card!

She may not realise your feelings, or if she does, actually values your friendship despite the literal emotional and psychological mine field she has to navigate to ensure you dont get the wrong idea, knowing full well there is a really awkward conversation one day. She may actually care about you, and wants to let you down gently so that you can still be friends… she may not even be aware that she’s taking you for granted…

So guys, take some goddamn responsibility for your actions.

You are not victims of being put in the friendzone. You are not victims. Take ownership of the fact that as much as it hurts, she’s just not into you and maybe its time to look elsewhere if you want a relationship.

I guess I never answered the question, if women like nice guys, why do they go home with assholes…

Cos generally those assholes have some form of confidence. They know what they want, and go and get it. They may be playing a numbers game, where they keep trying till they win. They may be good at talking to the women… they dont hide in the shadows and hope she finally comes to her senses… they dont employ subterfuge or play the victim card.

They dont use niceness and friendship to manipulate a woman into a relationship.

Thats not to say they arent grand level douche-lords… but they have something she finds attractive or needs at that moment… or maybe she is just using him… he might be after a relationship, but shes just after a fling! Maybe she’s just trying to prove a point, to feel attractive…

If there is one thing I have learnt over the years, when it comes to relationships… nothing is black and white…


The answer to violence is NEVER more violence

On the weekend, a couple of kids were robbed at the train station where I used to live. Im not going to provide names or links, not will I screen shot any of the truly horrifying-in-the-sense-that-people-are-this-retarded Facebook posts I’ve seen in the Community groups.

I did fire up at a Politician on Social Media because he was using it for political point scoring… not to say it was an unfortunate or tragic event, but to bag out the current premier… when pressed, he wouldnt provide a coherent answer but rather referred us to outdated election materials.

I have been a victim of assault at a train station. I am not bragging, but 4 Islander boys couldnt take me down. Instead, they ran for the train, got off the next station and robbed someone else… why did they come after me… cos they percieved I had disrespected them.

I am not comparing what happened to me to what happened on the weekend, but this was in the days before Protective Service Officers on Victorian public transport and only one guy tried to help me. Im sure if I look hard enough, there is probably Youtube footage of it.  Just checked, doesnt appear to be.

So the long and short of it, according the news was that two teenagers were waiting for a bus when a large group of other teenagers, of African appearance, approached them and asked the time. When he pulled out his phone to check, they demanded he hand it over, with his shoes and a gold necklace. They also made him unlock his phone and turn off the Apple ID. The bashing occurred I would imagine when the kids said No they werent handing over his stuff.

This is where the story gets a little hazy… a large group of African Teenagers, but only two did the bashing. The PSO’s were quite a distance away (which is understandable because the trainline goes below road level and is about 100m from the bus stops). The way the story is told though is that it was apparently two seperate incidents because either one of the kids, or commuters alerted the PSO’s.

Now I dont know about you, but I couldnt run 100m along a train platform, up nearly two stories of stairs, then another 150m to the bus stops in World Record breaking time, especially when Im carrying around 10-15kg of operational gear. The PSO’s were lambasted because they did nothing.

I should point out for those reading along, PSO’s are armed with Glocks and Capsicum spray.

When two PSO’s are confronted by a large group, fuck it, gang of individuals who are threatening a member of the public, they would have two options. They could pull out their service weapons and threaten the gang, or they could conduct harm minimisation and call for back up which would be better prepared and in larger numbers to handle the situation.

The general public, especially the kids dad, expected the PSO’s to essentially start shooting!

Now, assuming the PSO’s made it there before it was all over, the first thing they would have done is seen a large group of people. Their priority would have been to help the victims, get statements and then let the Police deal with it from there.

If they had of drawn their weapons, Im pretty sure the situation would have escalated and someone would have either gotten shot, or the PSO’s attacked as well. I dont know enough about the whole situation to make an educated assessment, nor am I actually qualified to do so.

The backlash however has been nothing short of disgusting.

Australia like to tout itself as the lucky country, where everyone is your mate and its just one year long BBQ… well, if you’re a White European, this might be the case… if you’re not… then damn son, you’re shit out of luck!

Lets just say the White Australia Policy was only ended in 1966… Aboriginals were legally given the vote in 1967.

Just doing a quick Wikipedia search to check my facts...

Relaxation of restrictions

Australian policy began to shift towards significantly increasing immigration. Legislative changes over the next few decades continuously opened up immigration in Australia.[26]

Labor Party Chifley Government:

  • 1947 The Chifley Labor Government relaxed the Immigration Restriction Act allowing non-Europeans the right to settle permanently in Australia for business reasons.

Liberal-Country Party Menzies Government (1949–1966):

  • 1949 Immigration Minister Harold Holt permitted 800 non-European refugees to stay, and Japanese war brides to be admitted.[35]
  • 1950 External Affairs Minister Percy Spender instigated the Colombo Plan, under which students from Asian countries were admitted to study at Australian universities.
  • 1957 Non-Europeans with 15 years’ residence in Australia were allowed to become citizens.
  • 1958 Migration Act 1958 abolished the dictation test and introduced a simpler system for entry. Immigration Minister, Sir Alick Downer, announced that ‘distinguished and highly qualified Asians’ might immigrate.
  • 1959 Australians were permitted to sponsor Asian spouses for citizenship.
  • 1964 Conditions of entry for people of non-European stock were relaxed.

I mention this because Immigration is a hot button topic in Australia at the moment. It has been for quite some time, when Pauline Hanson gave her maiden speech in 1997 decrying the “Asian Invasion” and she was blasted as a racist and a redneck, I’ve seen those same people who decried her policies now calling her a visionary!

The current minority of choice are the South Sudanese, or if one is not available, all Muslims, all the time. If you dont have one handy, Indians or Chinese… actually any Asian really.

The kids who did the bashing, were apparently South Sudanese. I wont lie, there is a bit of a community of them in that area, but for the most part, they are just young kids. They’ve embraced the Gangsta lifestyle because it looks powerful to them. Coloured men, saying “fuck you” to authority, gettin’ all the bitchez, smackin’ all the ho’s, smokin’ dem bluntz. Whatever… for the most part I would argue they just wanna look tough, play basketball and pretend they are kings among men.

Then of course, there are the actual gang members who argue that the environment they came from, to rob, cheat, assault and do whatever they want, is all they know… they are a problem. They form their gangs with the sole purpose of being criminals.

In their defence, Ned Kelly is a national hero in Australia, cos he wore a suit of armor and was a bush ranger, when actually he was a thief and a murderer. He killed Police officers… so I can see why people consider him a hero and the rest of us what he actually is. He didnt thumb his nose at authority, he outright broke the law. If it wasnt for that suit of armour, he’d be a footnote in history.

Back to the point, there is no denying there is a gang problem in Victoria. In Dandenong, there is APEX, an African gang that was responsible for a large spate of violence at various events, car jackings, robberies… by the end of it, I think people were just claiming to be part of the gang.

This of course, led to escalations… everyone trying to prove they were the biggest, the baddest, the most down trodden, the most victimised. Every one of the had a hard luck story about how difficult it was living in what is essentially fucking paradise compared to where they came from.

So yeah, long story short, the cries for the longest has been to “deport the fucking lot of them“. Yeah, no ifs, no buts, DEPORT! If you cant deport the kids, deport the parents because they should be responsible for their kids… and take them with them. Not even jail time, just put em on the plane and fuck em off back home.

Of course, thats the answer to any problem with immigration… “FUCK OFF, WE’RE FULL”.

Just recently, there was a rally in St Kilda regarding the immigration problem…. problem? Issue?? It was rather well attended by the left and the right… you know… ANTIFA and whatever flavour of proud Aryan you would care for (we’re not Nazi’s… we just think that an entire race should be wiped off the face of the planet and that would solve all problems)… rhetoric was spewed and of course, punches were thrown… but neither side threw the first one… everyone was a victim that day.

It wouldnt be fair to leave the left wing people out of this little rant… they bleat about free speech and acceptance, hiding behind the their own PC rhetoric to try and claim moral superiority because “we’re standing up for the underdogs”… standing up, starting fights, causing mayhem and basically being a nuisance… but as long as they can claim that moral high ground of course.

Just to be clear… both sides are ridiculous!

So yeah, I guess Australia is less Crocodile Dundee and more Mad Max after all huh?

What was the educated communities response to these kids being robbed at the bus stop? To pillory the two PSO’s and the next day… teenagers patrolling the station stopping anyone of African descent, with baseball bats.

The difference, people were applauding these kids! The same ones who would have a go about the gang problem, about all the weapons they apparently carry… they are applauding these kids like they would a man who robbed stage coaches and murdered people.

There are cries of “take back our streets”, “take back our country”, “we will no longer be afraid”… which is playing right into the hands of these right wing fucktards who see this as justification for starting shit for the sake of starting shit… but calling it a safety patrol!

If you have a look at recent events, where the entire community has been polarised by attacks on the public..

Jill Meagher – raped and killed by a white guy who was out on bail and had a history of sexual assaults.
Eurydice Dixon – raped and killed 900m from her house, once again… white guy.
Gargasoulas – The guy was high on Ice, thought God told him to drive down the Bourke St mall, killing 10 and injuring many more. Not African.
Aiia Maasarwe – Killed by a NOT AFRICAN guy who had a crush on her.

Lets go back further…

Martin Bryant – The guy who shot up the town of Port Arthur in 1996… white as a sheet.
The Lindt Siege – It was a Muslim guy sure… but a radicalised one, not Malik the guy who works in the next cubicle over. Same with the Somali guy shot in Bourke St recently… double points… Muslim, Western Suburbs and Radicalised!

As I said before, there has been a lot of stupidity from this community… Air BnB’s getting trashed, brazen shop lifting, riots…. but on the scale of 1 to Martin Bryant… it had less to do with ethnicity and more to do with gang mentality and entitlement.

So this is the problem as I see it… its all about escalation. People dont try and de-escalate issues anymore. If someone comes at you with their fists, you come back with a knife… they come back at you with a gun… you respond, they respond… no one seems to be able to take their licks anymore. You wanted to fight, you lost, move on. Sure, pride hurts… but who cares? In the grand scheme of things… isnt it just easier to be over and done with.

When I was attacked at the train station years ago, I did plead with them, I did apologise to them. I even told them I’d had a bad day, pointed out the security camera right above me. Nope, four on one. I could have fought back, probably would have taken a few down with me, but in the long run I would then have to live in fear of the reprisal. Next time, they’d probably pull that knife out they were carrying, and used to rob the kid at the next train station… or I could start carrying a weapon… however…

If the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem starts to look like a nail.

Thats the same with these kids who decided to patrol the train station after the robbery and assault. They were not there to protect, they wanted to get in peoples faces, they wanted to wave their bats around and feel like big men. They had become the thing they apparently stood against.

Batman was an uber rich playboy philanthropist vigilante. He didnt kill people, but he definintely put his share in hospital. Dont get me wrong, Batman is awesome! As a practical reality however… he is not. Vigilantism is nothing something that should be condoned. The Police, love em or hate em, are there to do a job. You might hate the “the jacks” but when your house gets broken into, your car stolen, your child assaulted… who you gonna expect to show up and do something about it?

In my capacity as an Emergency Services volunteer, we work along side the Police, Fire Brigade, Ambulance service etc… and I’ve seen some pretty horrific stuff. I’ve carted murder victims out of streams, provided lighting at fatal car accidents, retrieved bodies from industrial accidents… this is not my every day… it is for them.

Same for the PSO’s… if you’re literally the first line of defence against idiots doing stupid stuff night in, night out… it takes a toll… but to have the audacity to question their competence and call for their sacking because they didnt want to escalate a situation that would have resulted in more injuries, maybe fatalities and consequences that would stay with you a lifetime…

Besides, you could always use your 15 seconds of fame to start a GoFundMe page to replace all the stuff that got stolen… oh wait… they did that.